Your Wedding At
The Church of St. Joseph
Hopkins, Minnesota

March 23, 2010
PREPARING FOR MARRIAGE AT
ST. JOSEPH CHURCH

Congratulations on your proposed marriage! This is a significant time for you, and we at the Church of St. Joseph, as a community of faith, want to help you as you prepare for the celebration of the Sacrament of Marriage.

In the coming months, a great many expectations will be placed on you by society; some of them valid, some not. From our perspective as a Church, there are also issues involved when a couple chooses to celebrate marriage as a sacrament; that is, within the Church. For this reason, in recent years, more and more emphasis has been placed on preparation for marriage as a part of the process for marriage. As Catholic Christians, we believe that marriage is not simply the celebration that day, but a lifelong commitment of fidelity to one another, rooted in God’s plan that “two shall become one flesh.” Because of this, we have developed this booklet, which explains the policies and guidelines used at St. Joseph Parish to assist you in the preparation of your wedding day, and the years afterward.

I. REQUIREMENTS FOR MARRIAGE

By law, those presenting themselves for marriage must be at least 18 years of age at the time of the wedding, and not related more closely than second cousins.

You must also be free to marry each other in the Catholic Church. A common concern here is a prior marriage of any kind: if you have been married before, we will work with you to begin the process, which may allow you marry. This may be a very simple procedure or a rather lengthy process. Please discuss the situation thoroughly with us. Only after you are both free to marry in the Catholic Church can a wedding date be set.

At least one of the couple must be a registered member of St. Joseph Parish, or “coming home to be”, that is be connected to the Parish by family ties or previous prolonged membership. In these latter cases, we need information that the Catholic party is currently registered and regularly attending another Parish.

Those who are registered members of St. Joseph should be worshiping regularly here. We would like to see you active in the Church in some way.

For Catholics preparing for marriage, we feel it is important that they be attending Mass and receiving the Eucharist on a regular basis. We want evidence that you plan to be faithful and active members of the Church, and are sincerely asking for God’s blessing – not simply renting a beautiful hall.

It is presumed that those who present themselves for the Sacrament of marriage are aware of the Church’s teaching, and are not co-habitating prior to marriage. This matter should be discussed with the Priest during meetings with him.

We believe that if you are inviting Christ to your wedding and asking this faith community to be a witness to it, you should be sincere, active members here.

II. BEGINNING THE PROCESS

The First Meeting:

The first thing a couple must do is call the Parish office at 952-935-0111, be registered at the parish, and set up an appointment with a Priest. The appointment must be made and kept at least twelve months before the wedding.

During this first meeting, the Priest and the couple begin to get to know one another, and share expectations of what will occur during the preparation period and afterwards. Among the topics covered will be the material in this booklet. If the couple wishes to continue the process, they are to make a second appointment.

The Pre-Marriage Inventory, PREPARE:

During this second meeting, the couple completes the PREPARE instrument, a pre-marital counseling tool, which identifies areas of growth, as well as strengths the couple has as they enter marriage. This is analyzed at the office over the next few days. There is no charge for this or any other meeting at which the results are shared.

In a series of subsequent meetings, the minister (a Priest, deacon, a trained volunteer or a married couple) and the couple considering marriage, discuss the results of PREPARE. Topics explored include basic expectations each person has for marriage, communication and problem-solving skills, attitudes on money, parenting, religious values, sexuality and relations with in-laws. It also looks at compatibility, individual backgrounds, how each person understands the marriage covenant they will make with one another, and their readiness for marriage. In cases where this is a second marriage, or when one person is from a different religious tradition, these issues will be discussed as well. These meetings are also times to talk to the Priest about marriage as a Sacrament, particularly its meaning and importance as a covenant between the two of you.

Setting the Wedding Date:

Once this process is completed, the couple sets a wedding date with the Priest. Weddings are held on Fridays at 6:00 PM or on Saturdays at 11:00 AM and 1:30 PM.

Pre-Marriage Seminar:

All couples must attend a pre-marriage weekend, or, alternatively, a series of classes held in succeeding weeks. These seminars are held in various places around the Twin Cities. Early in the process, the Priest or other minister will give you brochures about several good programs. Taking part in this seminar is a requirement both of this Parish and of the Archdiocese.  You must give a copy of your Certificate of Completion to the Priest as part of your pre-marriage records. There is a fee for this seminar, and this will be paid to the group providing it. This seminar should be completed at least a month before the wedding.

Spiritual Preparation:

The process described above does require some time, but it is not wasted. It is hoped that you approach this preparation seriously. You are embarking on the major decision of your life – in choosing to get married in the Church, you are inviting Christ as a guest, and asking for God’s blessing upon you as you begin your Life together. You are saying that you desire to live by the values, which this community of faith upholds. We believe that it is important that you prepare not only for the event itself, but also acknowledge the importance of expressing your faith to the Church and to one another. You are receiving the Sacrament of Matrimony, and Sacraments demand preparation and faith. You are asking this faith community – your faith community – to pray for you, and to witness this moment of your life. We welcome this opportunity to talk with you, pray with you, and serve you. We hope it is meaningful to you.

III. PLANNING THE LITURGY

The Wedding Seminar:

We require couples who plan to be married in St. Joseph Church to attend (free of charge) a wedding liturgy planning seminar conducted by our Director of Worship, Jerry Salitros. This seminar is directed toward the marriage ceremony. It will discuss the marriage rite itself, and the options you have within it. Guidelines will be given regarding music, decorations, rituals, programs, and all issues pertaining to the ceremony itself.

Wedding Mass:

If both of you are Catholic, you may want a Mass as part of the ceremony. The Eucharist is the greatest sign of love and unity we have, and that is precisely what you are expressing by your marriage. Sadly, we are not all united as Christians. As a general rule, only practicing Catholics are allowed to receive Holy Communion. This is true for a wedding Liturgy as well. Because of this, we do not have Mass as part of the wedding ceremony when one member is not Catholic, for then the Eucharist becomes a sign of division amidst a celebration of unity.

While a very recent innovation, the unity candle has often been used in wedding liturgies.  Use of the Unity Candle is not a set part of the wedding liturgy.  Lighting of the Unity Candle should be handled in a simple and dignified way.  Because the action is so simple and “short”, it is best done with instrumental music instead of a vocal song.

Wedding Music:

Selecting wedding music is one of the biggest jobs in planning your Liturgy. Much of the time at the Parish-sponsored wedding seminar will be devoted to this topic: we have a few recommendations, which may be of help to you.

A wedding is, first of all, a worship service –worship and praise of God who calls a man and a woman together in marriage. As in any worship service, the music must be chosen carefully: some is suitable for worship, some is not. These guidelines may be of help:

• Is this good music? Is it technically and expressively good? Will a competent musician be playing it?
• Is the music (especially the text) appropriate to the service of worship? The music, images and words should enable the people to praise God. Remember, in Liturgy, the music should enhance (rather than interrupt) the sacred rites. It should not be “tagged on” to fill a quiet spot, give a break or give someone something to do in the ceremony.
• Is the music able to help people gathered for this specific occasion in the place to express their faith through this celebration? Does it fit the occasion?

Looking carefully at all this leads to the conclusion that some songs – even some which have been widely used at weddings – really don’t fit. Some beautiful songs, such as “Sunrise, Sunset”, “Wind Beneath My Wings”, “Time In a Bottle”, “We’ve Only Just Begun” and a host of others may contain wonderful messages or memories, but really have Little to do with the praise of God. This is not to say that well-known or popular songs are not usable, but they should fit these guidelines and convey a sense of the sacred.

Song texts should not be a personal dialogue between two lovers, but should contain a communal dimension of worship. They should reflect – or at least not negate the fundamental nature of Christian marriage: a celebration of God’s love for the Church enfleshed in Christ; the sort of love, which is a foundation for married people.

When choosing musicians for your wedding, it is important to retain those who have a sense of the rites of the Catholic Church. For Liturgies with Mass, acclamations (such as the Alleluia, Holy Holy, Memorial Acclamation and Great Amen) are to be sung. There should also be a gathering song, responsorial psalm and a Communion song. The Lord’s prayer should be spoken or sung congregationally, NOT sung by a soloist.

A competent organist or pianist is usually necessary. There should be a cantor, someone to lead the congregation in singing. Often this is the same person as the vocalist/soloist, but it must be someone who knows how to engage the congregation in singing.

We recommend using people familiar with St. Joseph Church. Again, information can be obtained at the wedding liturgy planning seminar. If you choose to use personal friends for most of the music, you may still consider hiring someone familiar with St. Joseph Church to lead the congregational singing. In any case, you will need help setting up the microphone equipment. If none of the Parish Musicians is participating in the ceremony, you need to have one on-site person to set up and take down parish equipment.  Currently, the fee for this service is $75.00.

Receiving Lines:

The receiving Line may be at the Church if it is the last wedding of the day. In any case, on Saturday, the Church should be empty and the body of the Church cleaned by 3:15 PM in consideration of those arriving for the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

Photography and Videos:

Since the Church is a house of worship and prayer, please give it the reverence and respect it deserves when taking photographs.

Formal wedding pictures are to be taken before the ceremony. Please respect the Altar, and do not use it as a spot to place papers, light meters, cameras, eyeglasses, food, drink or the like.

Flash photography is allowed only during the processional and recessional, and is prohibited during the ceremony itself. You should make a note of this in your program.

Videotaping is welcomed, but must be done with a tripod or fixed camera, and making use of available light only. We have designated an area near the front of the Church, which works very well for this.  The videographer may not leave this designated area during the ceremony.
Wedding Attire:

Wedding dresses and bridesmaid dresses should be appropriate for ceremonies held in the church.

Environments:

No Sanctuary furnishings should be moved for pictures or for the Liturgy without the permission of the Director of Worship.  The couple should look at environments in the weeks just prior to the wedding to aid in planning the coordination of wedding decorations with what is already there. The Director of Worship should be able to tell you what the general décor of the Church will be even months in advance.

If it is considered necessary to make changes in the environment as prepared by the Parish (for instance, taking down a banner) there will be a fee (ranging from $ 30 up) to be paid to the Director of Worship to replace it for the weekend liturgies. Because of the effort involved in changing the Easter and Christmas decorations and the importance of the Advent season environments, we must leave them intact.  Again, please respect the Altar throughout.

Other Liturgical Additions:

Some couples have additional requests, such as taking flowers to the Blessed Virgin Mary statue: discuss these with the Priest and Director of Worship. We may welcome them, but we do want to know what it is, where it would best fit into the Liturgy, and how it fits into your spiritual life. A guiding principle of liturgy is to keep things fairly simple and meaningful to those gathered. We should not be adding things to the rite simply because we saw it done somewhere else.

IV. APPROVING THE LITURGY

All music should be approved by the Priest, Director of Worship or Director of Music before plans are finalized. The wedding Liturgy planning seminar, which the Parish offers, will be most helpful in this area.

Usually, this approval is given at a “pre-rehearsal meeting” some weeks before the ceremony. At that time, all the movements, music and personnel are agreed upon, and no changes are to be made after that.

V. REHEARSAL

A rehearsal is necessary before a wedding: be sure to schedule this with the Priest during one of your visits. The rehearsal is usually done a day or two before the wedding. (We cannot schedule a rehearsal until we are within four months of the wedding, because the Church may be needed for another wedding.)

VI. THE WEDDING DAY

Weddings are scheduled for 6:00 PM on Fridays, and at 11:00 AM and 1:30 PM on Saturdays.
The Church can be opened three hours prior to the wedding.  (Note: At times, there will be both an 11:00 AM wedding and a 1:30 PM wedding – obviously, we cannot guarantee three hours of preparation time in those cases).  That information is usually available several months ahead of time.

If there is a morning Mass, you can usually get into the Bride’s room following the Mass, at approximately 9:00am.  Weddings are not celebrated during Lent (The six weeks before Easter).

VII. CARE AND RESPECT FOR THE CHURCH

Flowers and Aisle Cloth:

The florist of your choice will bring flowers and an aisle cloth (runner) if you so wish. We recommend you do not use a runner.  Because of the length of the aisle, it is quite expensive and it has no liturgical value.

Please do not tape anything to the pews, for it removes the varnish. Tie bows or whatever else to pews with string or use plastic hooks. The pillars have hooks attached to them, if you wish to decorate them.

Please remind your guests not to throw rice or bird seed on church property.

NO alcohol or moods altering chemicals are allowed on church property, and no smoking is allowed in the building. Please reserve the serving of alcoholic beverages for the celebration following the wedding.
You may have food and soft drinks in the social hall as you prepare the Church the day of the wedding, but do not bring them into the upstairs part of the Church. All food and beverages must be cleaned up by start of the wedding.
You are responsible for the removal of all wedding decorations, cleaning the bride’s room, and the removal of such things as flower boxes, film packages and programs. Please be considerate of those arriving to attend the next liturgical service.

VIII. DOCUMENTS NEEDED

Baptismal Certificates:
The Catholic parties must have a Baptism Certificate issued within the last six months. A non- Catholic party may present either that or a copy of his/her Baptismal Certificate. These should be obtained soon after the first meeting with the Priest.

Marriage License:
This should be given to the Priest by Tuesday of the week of the wedding, so that the Marriage Certificate can be prepared and signed by the witnesses.
Freedom to Marry Form:
If the couple is not well-known to the priest, both the bride and groom must complete a Free to Marry form.

IX. FEES

We ask a minimum fee of $200 for use of the Church, payable to the Church of St. Joseph. The marriage license will not be signed until this fee is paid. Vocalists and organists are hired on an individual basis and should be paid directly.  A typical pay range for an organist is $175 – $225; for a vocalist $125 – $175.  All fees are due at rehearsal, but may be brought to the parish office during the week of the wedding with the Marriage License.  Fees are subject to change.

TIMELINE/ CHECKLIST

Minimum 6 months before wedding

• Set up initial appointment
• Set wedding date and rehearsal date
• Complete the PREPARE and discussion of it
• Retain Organist/pianist and vocalist
• Obtain necessary documents: Baptism, Annulment, Other

1 – 3 Months before wedding

• Attend pre-marriage weekend
• Attend Parish wedding seminar with Director of Worship
• Plan liturgy

4 weeks before wedding

• Get Liturgy plans approval by Director of Worship
• Finalize music selections with instrumentalists and singers

Week of Wedding

• Fees paid: Church, Honorarium to Celebrant, Musicians.
• Marriage License to Parish office  (include names of Maid/Matron of Honor and Best Man)
• Rehearsal

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Telephone Numbers:

Parish Office: 952-935-0111
Jerry Salitros, Director of Worship:  952-935-9347